Are you ok with that? Because your silence screams that you are

Trigger warning: Discussion of sexual abuse

From D.W.: It’s a good thing that he dropped out of the race. Certainly, that’s true. Of course, it should have happened after we first found out about the tattoo. But hey, he shares a lot of my beliefs now, so maybe it was an innocent mistake? The next best time would have been after the initial allegations of sexual assault. But, you know, people grow and learn, right?

And now, after yet another round of women credibly accusing him of sexual assault, he’s finally gone. The system… worked? This is, apparently, the bar that too many men are allowed to walk under in order to gain, maintain, or wield power in this country. And in the aftermath, the lesson way too many people seem to want us to learn, including several progressives, is that our standards are somehow “too high” for any reasonable man to uphold. As if not raping is a tremendous virtue, arduous to achieve. You want someone that working class people can identify with? Someone masculine, but not toxic? Well, you’re going to have to accept a little rape. Don’t worry, it’s just a little rape. Like five rapes. And what even is rape, anyway? Technically, it’s like two rapes, two roughhousings, and a horseplay.

It's always been this way. I know that. And I know that, as a man, my words here come with a whole lot of unearned privilege and earned suspicion. But there’s just something about this moment in our history that feels... backwards? Regressive? Like we’re moving in the wrong direction. And of all of the horribleness that the last ten years has brought, this dismissiveness, and even celebration, of sexual assault just feels like it could be the worst of it.

Facebook. April 2nd. 2019

When people ask me how I keep my skin looking youthful, I tell them the truth: Dancing in the flames of the patriarchy and routinely bathing in the tears of mediocre men will help anyone maintain a dewy glow.

Facebook. May 16th. 2019

Dear White Lady Friends,

I have a lot to say about the things that have been going on in the world this week. But every time I start a post, I feel like I'm about to cry or scream or not be articulate enough to produce anything other than a stream of obscenities and the rantiest rant that ever ranted. And maybe that's ok. Maybe that's what's needed at this point. Maybe all the nice girls who try to keep things civil should finally be all the way fed up and maybe we ought to be real loud and extra salty and take to the streets. Maybe those of us who think that it's not polite to be political will realize that it's time to stop being polite.

I'm sick and tired of seeing posts from female friends who say they aren't interested in politics. It is time to wake up, sisters. You must make yourself be interested.

I don't care how boring you think it is, I don't care how much homework you have to do. I don't care who you piss off in your search for knowledge or engagement, because your refusal to do this is killing your sisters. The men who are making the decisions about our bodies--who outright ignore and systematically disenfranchise our sisters of color, who make it ok to violate us with impunity, judge us, demean us, commodify us, and refuse to acknowledge our basic agency as humans--they care deeply about politics.

And they are banking on you backing down, crying in the bathroom, fixing your lip stick, and just continuing to sit there and look pretty. Are you ok with that? Because your silence screams that you are. Your complicity in their lies by not speaking your truth and demanding your sisters' right to do the same sickens me.

You are better than this if you want to be. You are braver than this if you want to be. Come stand beside us, and I promise you won't be alone.

I'm waiting for you.

--rachel

Facebook. November 29th. 2017

My darlings,

Well, here we are...again. I know I'm tired of feeling like I'm going to barf every time my phone dings with a news update. How about you?

Sure, it seems crazy that Matt Lauer was allegedly a super-creep. And I know the whiplash of constantly asking yourself, "Wait...him, too?" is probably making all of us sore and cranky. But let me be clear: this is just the tip of the iceberg--like the tiniest sliver at the very top.

Gird up your loins and read what my friend Amos has to say in the fifth chapter of his book (it's named after him, so that will be an easy Google for you...). We must allow the holy and heavy waters of justice to roll down and across and over this unholy mess and reveal to us and in us the way to love each other, instead of trying to control and dominate. There is enough love, power, strength, mercy, and grace in the universe to do this. We simply have to believe this, and move into this new reality with open eyes, and hearts that are cracked open wide. The reckoning is coming, and justice will be served. And the hearts and bodies and minds of those who have been raped, harassed, beaten, threatened, wounded, betrayed, objectified, not believed, victimized, and terrified will be healed. I believe that with my whole heart and pray for ways to be part of that healing work.

This is not over, not by a long shot. I'm not even sure if we're even close to the middle of the beginning being over. And that's hard. Do what you need to do to care for yourself and those suffering alongside you--we need to continue to harness all of our very best selves and very best efforts to turn this sh*tshow around. We have to do this--we are the people we have been waiting for.

Always be kind, but do not for a single minute believe that being kind means you have to swallow any bs or pretend not to see things that are real and happening. Be truthful, be loud, and remember that you are deeply loved and fully celebrated in more ways that you can ask or imagine.

Love--rachie